on the 19th, we patched. happy. =D

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off to go play with my hair. n no, i'm not putting it in ponytails!!

not been sleeping much. not been eating much. not been myself much. knowing how greedy n lazy i am, my past behaviour has suprisingly shocked me. wahahaha.. come to tink of it, i hv nv felt so energised before. n gastric has not hurt me at all.. in fact, i nv got hungry. yeah!! lose weight time. =) =)

sheesh, who am i kidding man. i am JOY. i'm supposed to smile n laugh n remain optimistic no matter bleak my world is. still, bcoz i sooo adore blogging, i brought him unnecessary questions frm kaypo ppl. everybody, its all my fault. i hv nv understood. nv appreciated. nv given back. serves me right to be in living hell now. but till the v last second n the time we met aft we parted, he has been the sweetest ever. so just stop asking n let him be yeah? n leave me alone too.

sorry. i only just realised how pessimistic i hv been abt us in my recent entries. i angered my classmates coz i didn't noe how to control my emotions here. n once again, my vicious thoughts hv made u see a side of me tts unseen. i must hv been possessed coz i 'regret' is too small a wrd to describe my guilt towards u.

i wan u to move on but yet more than half of me dun wan u to. for some strange reason i cannot bear tt thought n the hurt just starts again. i guess, i'm selfish up till now. so much for maturing n understanding. so much for changing. i guess despite how much i try, a leopard will nv change its spots.

n for some reason, my hello kitty keeps shaking her head. xinyu says its telling me not to cry.. perhaps perhaps.. but, it has nv shaken under my bedrm lighting conditions before. not since he gave it to me on my last birthday.

i dun like blogging sad moppy stuff. so until i find reason to be happy again, tis blog is
CLOSED.




thanks to alisa, trixie, brian, my maid, ting, cher, bee bee, lynn, jessica, xueqin, gerald, darren, shahirah n xinyu for trying to help me see the light. its dark for now but i still thank u.

thanks to mommy who i tink noes wat happened but nv probbed n was always there to hug n cry with me. thanks for ur shopping offer but i'm still not up to it.

thanks also to him. who occupied my life n left footprints all over my heart.

ur my only love

stupid song in ting's mp3 tt made me cry despite relating to it so so so much. ting ting, thanks for ur player but i tink ur songs all quite sad de leh...

cyndi's your my only love (hear it here.)

紧握著你的手　天很冷　路口正亮著红灯
说不出一句话　傻傻的　站著你和我
熟悉的这首歌　这空气　一起分享的呼吸
说完再见以后　说过的　爱过的　要怎么继续
好想再多一分钟感觉你的温度　你的味道　你温柔的手
在转身之后发现我的眼睛　跟著天空　突然下起了大雨

从最初到最后　要走到时间的尽头　不变的守候　You Are My Only Love
要记住我们曾拥有　海阔天空　
放开手才知道　冷风吹　心好痛

紧握著你的手　天很冷　路口正亮著红灯
说不出一句话　傻傻的　站著你和我
熟悉的这首歌　这空气　一起分享的呼吸
说完再见以后　说过的　爱过的　要怎么继续
好想再多一分钟感觉你的温度　你的味道　你温柔的手
在转身之后发现我的眼睛　跟著天空　突然下起了大雨

从最初到最后　要走到时间的尽头　不变的守候　You Are My Only Love
要记住我们曾拥有　海阔天空　放开手才知道　冷风吹　心好痛
从最初到最后　要走到时间的尽头　不变的守候　You Are My Only Love
要记住我们曾拥有　海阔天空　放开手才知道　冷风吹　心好痛
You Are My Only Love Only Love





- my sci teacher taught me tt all feelings r experienced by the brain. but how come my heart literally hurts?

the end

14th march, 10.40 pm.

one phonecall n everything between us ended. one mth aft the arrival of the ring n it'll reside behind the doors of my wardrobe forever. nevertheless, i thank u for the beautiful memories, the wonderful times n the lovely wrds. those r the things tt will stay with me for yrs to come.

i dun hv the habit of staying frens with ex-es but i'll try. as tis relationship is one of the most amazing i hv ever had n i hv nv regretted letting u enter my life n taking over my heart. ur the most perfect in my eyes n will stay tt way till someone else, hopefully better, comes along.

i wanted to post tis pic on our half yr anniversary. but i'll just post it here today.

i loved u. as lovers then, as frens now. all the best, zest.

quits?

my mommy is so cute. she just discovered the wonders of msn n is now happily msn-ing me. =D
my daddy is in dubai but he still managed to eat my ice-cream. *sulks*
my lil sis's bdae is coming but i wanna keep her present for myself!
my baby bro is having laughing fits again.
anti-social me is cooped up in my rm with nothing but hana kimi for entertainment.



sitting at hm alone, waiting for my lover to call. wondering when will enough be enough.

my apr 8, 9 n 11th was spent selling acer laptops at the 2007 suntec IT fair. aft pushing tt 2 wk admin stint to anna, i calculated tt i needed to sell at least 22 laptops to break even on the salary i wld hv earned. glad to say, i surpassed my expectations n sold 24 pcs. tis means, i earned more tis 3 days then i wld hv across 2 wks. yeah!! ^^

anyway, i cld hv earned more if saxo did not take up my 10th. i sooo tink NTU deliberately made use of us n the polytechnic alliance (I-PLUS) to get free labour out of ignorant poly students. having to ton at the raffles statue the night before was an utter waste of time tt deprieved me not only of my precious time but also beauty slp.

n the tiny bit of press coverage they promised us was robbed coz they did not print the banners they promised. plus, zero thanks n recognition was given to the organising committee. the team n i slogged the hot afternoon away, playing games with their sponsored participants in which they provided us nothing but a dozen bottles of newater. marvellous repayment i tell u.. so much for the investment interactive club being one the biggest ccas in the uni n tt saxo gave them a 20k allowance. cheaters~

aft being made used of, zest, richard n i went to plaza sing for dinner n i came hm to sleep all the away till morn. tts how exhausted i was. zzzz...

the only gd thing i got out of tis was i got to walk around clark quey at night n spend more solo time with him. time which i tink is getting lesser as the days go by. mayb i shld stop questioning n just take a step at a time. afterall, life is soo unpredictable n even god wun noe wat will happen tmr.

aft my first day of the IT fair, he neglected me on the mrt ride back n walked away with me angry for the 2nd time. i surprised myself by being stronger tis time round. no tears rolled until my freaking water bottle had to press my hp n play rainie yang's aimei. tis song was the one i listened to in the past when i liked him but had unreciprocated feelings. tis time round. i liked him, i had him. but the emptiness i experienced was not any different. n the bloody tears had to flow n cause dear mommy so much worry aft hearing frm daddy who witnessed our unpleasant fight n suffer my silence throughout the car journey hm.

had a long talk with mommy n learnt some stuff abt surviving in tis harsh, bitter world. gave in n called him with the ultimanium:

walk to my place with an ice-cream tt hv yet to melt.

it was stupid, really, but he did it. the ice-cream was melting but it passed.

today, i finally got to meet up with xinyu, haz n maz for swensens lunch n arcade. it was fun. but haz said some things tt got me tinking.. i'm so sacrastic, so domineering, so fickle, so fussy, so troublesome. anyone to fall for me muz be so blind. n it made me feel really selfish for calling him only when i needed an umbrella or company while walking hm. my possesiveness really struck me in the face. i get jealous when he spends time with his family n frens. i get paranoid when he contacts girls. i'm nv satisfied till i get to control wat he wears n restrict wat he eats. i hv complete disregard for his ego n pride n i trample upon his feelings tt he so vulnerably offer me.

however, when i walked hm, alone, the wetness on my face was due solely to the pouring raindrops. hv i become so numbed tt i can no longer cry? so unfeeling tt i caused the one i claim to love to suffer instead?

sheesh, i shld be condemned. if only the time under the sheares bridge cld stand still. n he was mine. only mine.

5th mth

been procrastinating abt tis for a long time coz things between us wasn't so smooth everytime i felt like blogging. which resulted in a 3 day delay of the events on 2nd of mar. hahaha.. but all is alright already ba.

ppl who r close to me will already noe tt zest n i hv been together for a grand total of 5 mths n 3 days le. yippee!! tis is proof tt my short attn span is getting tt little bit longer coz i'm still madly into him. yup yup.. =D

n some may react adversely to the fact tt i spent more than 3/4 of tt special day in sch, meeting up with the spse ppl for saxo. zzzz... oh well, i am holding an exco position already. so tt comes with responsibilites. even if it means sacrificing my special day to be holed up in the clubhouse doing signboards n doodling on t-shirts. =(



frm left: peter, guowei, darren, william, afiq, zest

the shirt spells out I-PLUS, the polytechnic alliance we r part of.. then tis t-shirt jumbling game is jessica n my booth tis coming sat.. cool rite? hehe.

we managed to do a rough trial of all the saxo games, timed them n make sure the instructions turned out acceptable... actually, i tink liang ying n guo wei's grp put in alot of effort. so style lah.. printed cue cards!! gosh!

aft the meeting, his original plan was to go cine to take my long-awaited neoprint then go newton eat hawker food for dinner. hahaha.. no choice, we just bought mrt concession passes so must use.. in the end coz ben xiao jie hv craving for salmon sashimi, the doting bf brought me to raffles place for sakae dinner buffet! hehe..

n sadly bcoz of the overwhelming yusheng demand, salmon sashimi was not available. *sulks* anyway, we ate alot alot.. broke my own personal record n samples new stuff tt i usually dun dare to try out. but horror upon horrors, i found out other ppl got sashimi except me. so i got the bf to make a fuss n they waived our green tea charges. hahaha..

aft tt, we made our way down to cine for my neoprints n i saw tt guy frm damai - whose name i forgot but i knew i used to hv a crush on him - lol! n he held opened the damn heavy glass doors for me n i tink he stopped n looked at me for awhile. omg!! i got recognised! dotz..



anyway, neoprints were gd. coz its glittery although my hair sucked n we didn't hv sufficient time to deco. hahaha.. nxt, we rushed around looking for jess's last min bdae present before heading hm to meet curfew. =(

tis mth had no testimonials whatsoever. he merely pre-sent an sms tt said something like "i bet ur talking to me now, etc etc." just so tt i wun complain tt every mth is i wish him first. hahaha.. i hope gd times like these wun ever end. *cross fingers*

the past wk has been a rather hectic wk. meetings, meetings, more meetings.. mainly bcoz of the upcoming SAXO go-for-gold challenge tt everyone is all hyped up abt.. basically, the committe, the positions, the games, the plan is all in order n we're basically just counting down to the big day!!



the time spent aft those countless back to sch meetings was spent mainly running to plaza sing TWICE to attempt to change the ring sizes but coz i scratched mine pretty badly, we just hv to wear the rings on the middle finger as its too loose for my fouth finger. at last, the rings r engraved. mine says "junhong <3 joy".. *grins*

of course, time was spent with jessica, melvin, thiam hee n zest at bugis n bras basah area getting the props n supplies for the SAXO event. i too found the time to get my top frm outfitter's girls.. yeah!!! n the dar wanted to pay for my shirt tt said "u better make more than i can spend".. the irony. lol.

we also watched ghostrider which is quite a nice show with the exception of rather scary looking demons.. heehee.

the admin job

21st-23rd feb '07

my 2nd trial at wrk. my 3-day stint at THE SWATCH GROUP S.E.A PTE LTD. the first time was in the f&b industry. the 2nd time is admin.. one conclusion, for the same pay ($6 per hr), the admin job is much more boring but waaay easier - on ur mental state as well as physical body. doing mundane stuff day aft day is not exactly my cup of tea so tts y i shld stick to doing short periods of labour to prevent myself frm getting too bored n sick of the environment. =D

my darling accompanied me to wrk on day 1. its rather funny coz little did we noe tt just one mere bus stop away, the buses r soo v diff. it ended up with us boarding different 518s n heading to orchard seperately. anyway, i reached earlier n found wheelock place without much trouble. i'm not tt much of a rd idiot afterall..

he arrived just mins before i was due for wrk n my day at the office begun. i was first introduced to the department n supervisor, tricia. tricia is a really nice girl abt 5yrs older than i was, econs grad frm NUS. my job scope was pretty simple for day 1. i just had to call customers to explain the repair services their watches had to go through n quote them prices. of course tt is on top of my duty to ans calls, pacify complaining customers n updating of records. n my product range was tt of the middle, exclusive.. i didn't get to do the high-end watches but neither did i handle the normal, average swatch watch.. basically i was in-charge of omega, longines, calvin klein, rado, hamilton, tissot n pierre balmain. not bad for a first-timer..



my cluttered desk, n tt cute little scanner thingy tt gives off a v delightful beep everytime a barcode is scanned. ^^ plus the sacred phone tt got me sooo accustomed to saying "gd morning/afternoon/evening, swatch group." zzzz...

as the day proceeds n u get super tired, i v frequently mistook the scanner for the phone n ridiculously put it to my ear n greet in tt monotonous voice much to my own embarassment.




the typical order screen.. n the particulars i had to fill in.. its quite a smart system actually.. but rather laggy at times all the time.

sounds like alot to do in one day ba? but its all actually v clockwrk n repetitive. so nothing too complicated. =) the wrk environment is rather nice. aircon temp is just nice, fabulous office view, friendly ppl to call me 'xiao mei', nice uncles (technicians in cool white lab coats) to ask aft me n funny front desk aunties who run in for a breather n complain abt irritating customers. plus, another SP temp called joanne whose job at the front desk with fire-breathing customers make me rather thankful for my safe job behind those doors. =P



the view frm my office window.. its torture to face orchard rd everyday n yet not be able to get down there shopping..



i can see shaw, tangs n the wheelock roof.. plus some hotel.. bird's eye view yeah??



u can't blame me for keep wanting to watch movies with lido just right in front of me can u??

n it was nice to hv dar n gerald waiting for me during lunch hr.. it's wonderful to see the smiling faces of ppl who care aft getting yelled at by a dozen customers or so.. (note to self: ppl with low self esteem shld nv do telemarketing.. luckily i hv an ego the size of a bus.)

hello, its not my fault ur watch needs sooo long to be repaired. by shouting, u spoil my day n ur watch is not done any faster.. so seriously, wat's the freaking pt!?

aft wrk, the wait for 518A was surprisingly fast n it being an A-express bus, the ride hm was less than 20 min.. plus, i hv him on the line entertaining me.. then insanely enough, i walked in my bloody high heels to his place coz i suddenly felt deprived of love. haha.. so random.

anyway, rushed hm for dinner n to cut cake since it's mommy's bdae.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!



mommy's black forest cake!!



my beautiful mother!

day 2 moved much more slowly coz my darling was not wondering around orchard rd n there were no plans for us to meet.. so tt made my day pass really painfully. i sorta got promoted n can liase with retailers n the factory outlets already.. these ppl r better coz even if they r unpleased they do not throw their weight around. furthermore, if they say they wld return call, they really wld.

n its wild tt i get like messages addressed to ME in the answering machine as well as faxes!! can u believe it?? n i'm only a temp.. not even one tt is working for a yr, a mth or a wk!! gosh!

n coz i didn't like the idea of eating alone in crowded orchard rd, i pkt lunch for tricia n myself frm tis really cheap food stall on the 5th floor of far east shopping centre. dar says i'm really like an office girl already.. eating budget food tt only corporate ppl noe abt. imagine, ulu food stall along bustling orchard rd?

anyway, aft wrk dar called me frm his hp!! haha.. coz i said i felt like shopping n he was out in town but he didn't wan me to be alone so he called to chat as i browsed the shelves. sweet ba? hahaha.. so it was perfect. shopping, drinking mega-sized strawberry blend frm orange julius n talking to my fav person in the world! i'm a blessed girl.. *grins*

day 3 was gd too.. coz dar came to meet me for lunch n i got to intro him to tricia.. we had mos burger together n it was a rather fun affair. coz eating with ur supervisor means tt u need not rush back to office n u can hv a nice, relaxing lunch.. lol.



the piles of records tt need to be filed, sorted n processed.. its never-ending i tell u..



aft lunch i had to learn how to do spare part ordering for all the boxes above. its a mentally draining n physically taxing job tt requires utmost attn n delicate detail. n tt pile of boxes just keeps getting higher n higher.. fyi, tt is just one wall of the office.. there r boxes stacked on the floor too!! *surrender*

he hung around waiting for me to end wrk as well as meet up with jackie (ntu), NP n NYP presidents at liat tower's burger king. thanks u gerald for ur onion rings!! aft which, dar n i left to watch chingay n take neoprints!!!



chingay!! i tink the signage is better than the performance itself. lol. =P mayb i was too short to see the performance properly ba.. hehe.



cranberry n blueberry desserts we had but forgot to pay for.. oops.



the lovely peek-tures..